13 things I learned from 13 months off social media
When I stepped away from social media, I expected calm and clarity. What I found instead was myself - distracted, hungry, human.
When I took a break from social media, I imagined I’d become this serene, glowing creature of presence - you know, reading novels, journaling under fig trees, fully alive to the world around me.
Alas, that’s not what happened.
But I did learn a lot. Here are 13 things I actually learned during my 13 months off social media.
1. As Taylor Swift said: I’m the problem, it’s me.
I thought the issue was Instagram. Turns out, the issue was me. I assumed deleting the apps would free me from the grip of my phone. Instead, I just replaced Instagram scrolling with YouTube rabbit holes of The Voice auditions and entirely unnecessary dives into celebrity gossip. Let’s just say I could now write a dissertation on Nick Cannon’s family tree.
2. I am, in fact, addicted to my phone.
I once read that if you take your phone to the toilet, you have a problem. Well - Houston, we have a problem. Deleting Instagram shone a light on where my relationship with my phone has got to and where it needs to change.
3. I’ve lost the ability to do nothing.
Years ago, I spent three weeks in silent meditation, just sitting and watching my breath. Now? I can’t make it five minutes without reaching for something to do. Partly it’s the phone, but partly it’s the rhythm of motherhood - the constant motion, the mental lists. Going from changing nappies and making dinner to stillness feels jarring. My phone has become the bridge between doing and nothing. I have a lot of compassion for myself here and I know that I can be more intentional about making that bridge something healthier.
4. I’m starving for casual connection.
I noticed that most of the times I reached for my phone, I wasn’t actually bored - I was lonely. I’d open WhatsApp just to see if someone had messaged me, or scroll hoping for that little hit of connection. I don’t just crave deep conversations - I crave casual connection. The kind you get chatting in the post office queue. We’re village creatures living village-less lives.
5. Instagram friends are real friends.
I missed my Instagram friends. Some of them I’ve met in real life; others I haven’t. But they’ve been part of my world for years - people I laugh with, cheer for, exchange comments and DMs with. When I wasn’t online, it felt like a few of my people had gone missing and I’ve been so happy to see them again.
6. Social media reshapes the possibility of kinship.
Online, we often connect through shared values and curiosities rather than proximity. Some of the most natural and meaningful relationships now begin in that space - built not on geography, but on resonance and belonging.
7. Social media has changed the world - for better and worse.
It’s both a miracle and a mess. It’s connected us, given outsiders belonging, given creatives platforms, and given ordinary people power. It’s also turned many of us into dopamine-driven zombies. Whether it’s net positive or negative, I’m not sure - but the invitation for me is to stay aware. To consciously amplify the good and dial down the bad.
8. Social media amplifies polarisation - it doesn’t create it.
The division we see online isn’t born there; it’s just magnified. Those fractures exist in our families, our politics, our dinner tables. Leaving social media doesn’t fix polarisation - healing does. As with all things, the work is in our hearts, not our feeds.
9. Social media is a tool for contribution.
When I wasn’t online, my impact became smaller - more local, intimate, beautiful in its own way. But I also realised I want to be of service in a bigger way. Platforms like Instagram let us share what we love, what we’re learning, and what we care about. That’s powerful. Used consciously, it can be a fantastic tool for contribution.
10. Humans - including me - are born creators.
There’s a creative current that runs through all of us, and social media gives it somewhere to go. Whether it’s a photo, a post, a video, or a poem, the act of creating and sharing is deeply human. I missed that current.
11. I have agency.
Social media is neutral. It’s not inherently good or bad - it’s how we use it. Simply deleting it doesn’t change the underlying behaviours that made us misuse it. That’s my work now: to engage consciously, not compulsively.
12. My kids will not have social media until they’re at least fifteen.
And then, slowly and with support. It’s a tool, but it’s also a drug - engineered for dopamine hits. If I, a fully grown adult who didn’t even grow up with it, struggle to manage it, how could I expect a child to?
13. People are really trying.
When I went back online, it wasn’t the noise or outrage that stood out - it was the effort. So many people creating, connecting, contributing, loving in their own small ways. Beneath all the noise, the human spirit keeps reaching for something good.
After thirteen months off social media, I didn’t return as a perfectly present earth goddess. I came back a little more humbled, a little more aware, and - hopefully - a little more intentional.
I was reminded that my goal isn’t to escape the world. It’s to learn how to be in it, awake.
What have you learned about your own relationship with your phone - or your attention - lately?
Gosh, I relate to so much of this!
When Hurricane Helene hit here, all the cell towers went down. we had zero service, no power, nothing. We relied on public radio and literally walked to our neighbors’ houses to get updates and left hand written notes on each others doors. It was such a jarring reminder of how much we’ve come to depend on our phones as this invisible thread of connection. how I equate being reachable with being connected. But in that silence, what we really had was each other. Just the people across the street. People put what they had to share out on tables in their yards. Our tiny village suddenly felt like the whole world, and it was frightening at first and then humbling and beautiful amid the chaos.
I also took a 2 month breather after my ayahuasca retreat, and it surprised me how much I’d been outsourcing the feeling of being witnessed to the internet. Without posting or scrolling, I had to let my real life see me again. It was grounding and uncomfortable but it helped me rediscover what it means to be present in my actual community. To bear witness to my own life.
And relating hard! there were/are moments where I’d catch myself thinking, You literally sat in silence for days in the jungle, and now you can’t sit still for five minutes without reaching for your phone? So I’d stubbornly force myself to do puzzles alone or pull out my colored pencils like some kind of analog rehab 😂. It is an addiction!
And then, coming back online, I realized there is a real community here too. just a different kind. A space to express, reflect, and connect in ways that also feel nourishing. I’m still making peace with both worlds. Thank you for normalizing this dance!
Also laughing because I totally relate to the “social detox” substitutions! I went from walks and audiobooks straight into the Reddit rabbit holes. Growth? Maybe. Progress ?Debatable. 😅
And I also love the Voice reruns! The families cheering on the live cam get me in my feels every time!